The Overwhelmed Brain | Stress | Anxiety | Relationship | Critical Thinking | Emotional Intelligence | Emotional Abuse

If you're a "yes person", you find yourself saying "Yes" to others. However, what you're really doing is saying "No" to yourself. Doing this causes you to reach burn out after a number of years. You get jaded by friends and family taking advantage of your "generosity", all because you're too nice to say no. There's a way out of this, and it will take baby steps, but it's time to gain some empowerment and start saying "Yes" to yourself. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who starts to feel fear when talking to people, whether that's because she feels stupid or like she's being judged. No matter what causes it, I talk about a couple of approaches that take the fear out of the equation. Finally, I change things up and talk about animals and emotions. In my opinion, there is absolutely emotions in animals - it's a non-issue, but no matter what you believe, this segment explains my experience with the subject and how I can tell emotions are at play and not just animal instinct. Episode brought t

There are jerks in our lives, at least that's what we tend to call them sometimes, that just never stop getting on our nerves. We hope they act differently, but they never change their ways. Is there anything we can do? Well, we can open our hearts and see what happens. Scary thought! And why would we want to open our hearts to someone who acts so badly toward us? Find out in this episode. Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I read a message from someone who is in a long-distance relationship and isn't sure what to do since it will be three years until they can be together. What would you do? Would you wait? Could you? Finally, what's your contingency plan in case of a break-up or divorce? Do you have one? I'm not talking about your heart. I'm talking about your finances mostly. Some people are left with nothing after a break-up because they believe that what they had would never end. The truth is hard to face that it is possible that what you have could end, so maybe it's a good idea to take care of yourself at l

How can you live with chronic pain? How do you get through the suffering? Is there a path to freedom or is it a never-ending event that will plague you for the rest of your life? Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I receive a letter from a gay man in his 40s suffering from a deep depression who cannot get a good night's sleep and hasn't "come out" to show the world the way he truly wants to live and what he really wants to say. Chronic physical pain is part 1 and chronic emotional pain is part 2. Episode bought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Actual attorneys for less than a dollar a day. 

We all have a snapping snapping point and it can change our world when it happens. I remember the first time I stood up for myself. I was 10. We had just finished wrestling, as boys tend to do, and I was done... but he wasn't. I sat at the table, tired and really not interested in wrestling anymore. And he kept saying, "Come on, let's wrestle some more." I was like, "Nope, I'm done. Too tired, don't want to anymore." "Come on, let's wrestle again!" "No. I don't want to." "Come on!" (play slaps my face) "No... I'm done!" "Let's go, let's just wrestle a little more!" I don't know where it came from, but my hand turned into a fist, and my body twisted while my arm swung towards his face. My fist connected with his jaw, and he went to the ground holding his mouth. I sat down calmly and spoke softly, "I told you, I don't want to wrestle anymore." He eventually got up (seemed like 5 minutes, but it was probably like 20 seconds or something - who knows!) and went home. Up until that time, I had been a real pushover.

Brene Brown said it so eloquently: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."Many years ago, I remember having to disappoint my bosses during my one year anniversary. They brought me in for my evaluation, gave me a promotion, praised me for the amazing work I'd been doing over the past year, were excited about where I was going in the company, and gave me the tiniest raise I'd ever been given in my life. I was like... "Wow... Thank you?"That's what I thought in my head. But what I SAID was, "I'm rather disappointed. I thought I'd be getting a lot more money. With all the weekends I put in, all the projects I took on, and all the time I've spent helping out everyone I can, I really expected a lot more."They were like, "Oh..." The look on their faces went from excitement to confusion, and the moment got awkward. Then I said, "I really have to think about my future here. Don't worry, I'm not quitting, but I do need to think about things."And

So much of our emotional pain that doesn't get expressed can turn into actual physical ailments that won't go away until those emotions are expressed and released. Sometimes the damage can be permanent and we'll need to seek medical attention, and other times the healing starts right away. One thing for sure, you start healing when you start expressing. In today's Ask Paul segment, a woman is still holding on to emotional pain from being cheated on. Can she forgive and move on while being married to someone who really does appear to have changed, or is she doomed to feel terrible for the rest of their marriage because she can't get over it. Finally, I read a story of giving called The Gift of the Magi. It's a unique episode and one I know you'll enjoy. Happy holidays! Today's sponsor: Get legal insurance for less than a dollar a day!

With bombings, shootings and other terrorism going on, how can you find peace and see the world as a better place. The news sensationalizes the bad but never glorifies the good. It's okay to feel okay, and I'll tell you why in this episode. Also, I receive a listener email that talks about wanting to save her relationship after a big move. She moved away, then he moved down to be with her, then things fell apart from there. Finally, I talk about how our internal emotional energy can be expressed through our voice inflection and body movement - strange but true (well, my opinion). visit getoutofthemess.com for legal services for less than a dollar a day! 

What do you say when someone tells you they want to commit suicide? Do you rush them to the police hoping that they will help them? Do you sit with them and really listen to what they're saying so that they know they are being heard and not pushed on to someone else? Is there a real answer? Is there a right answer?  So many people consider it, and so few people talk about it. I received a letter from a 14 year old who wrote that she wanted to die and she's ready to go soon. We take on so much throughout our life, and suicidal thoughts can certainly creep up from time to time. Is there a resolve to this? This is a special episode that deals with someone who feels at the end of their rope. I focus on this 14 year old's letter who chose to stay anonymous, but my talk today could apply to any one of us that has ever considered this path. If you are considering suicide, then at least tell someone about it. Call the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 and make sure you get their perspective. If you're really on the

How bad can your panic and anxiety get? I had one panic attack in my life and it was at that moment a part of me died, opening up a new way of being.  Nothing like panicking in the desert, having no money, a broken car, and losing the car and everything in it to set off an anxiety attack.  The worst possible scenario was unfolding and I had to either accept and live with the consequences, or not accept what was happening and continue resisting what was absolutely unavoidable.  When I finally panicked to the point where I felt like dying, I was able to release the resistance. I let go of thinking I had a choice, and suddenly choices didn't matter. I just accepted.  And acceptance brought me peace.  Do you resist or accept? Can you accept the worst possible thing that could happen? If you can... you'll be free.  Sounds like a fun topic - I talk about that today!  

There's a parable that reminds us that there are two wolves inside us all. One is evil (anger, jealousy, greed and resentment). The other is good (joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and bravery). The question is, which one wins? At least, that's what Eric Zimmer of The One You Feed podcast likes to ask his guests on every episode of his show. I brought Eric on today to talk about his show and his past struggles with drug addiction, alcoholism and depression (not necessarily in that order) and what he did to move through that and into a better place in himself. We also get into his take on Positive thinking, law of attraction, and affirmations (which you know tend to annoy me). I also talk about depression and beliefs after the interview, and how one belief can empower you and the other can take it away. Finally, I close the show talking about a practice in gratitude. Today's episode is brought to you by:

Bad habits can be hard to change or moderate, but there are small steps you can take to make it easier to change a bad habit into a good one, or at least, a little less "bad". Also, I received an email with a heartwarming story of inspiration where someone finally realized she had a choice - and she made that choice! It was empowering and needs to be heard by anyone who feels there's no hope for them. Finally, I talk about Jared Fogle, the former Subway spokesperson who is now being charged with possession of child pornography and sex with minors. Once a hero to many, now a symbol of shame. Visit for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month

Our emotions are attached to our memories. Our memories are attached to people and stuff. It's that stuff that we hold on to that sometimes makes us feel bad, so why do we still have it in our lives? Pictures are a great example of this. Why keep pictures that make you feel bad?  Also, in any relationship, the role of masculine is typically played by one person and the role of feminine is played by the other. The problem occurs when one person likes the role they're in and the other doesn't.  Knowing your role and what best works for the relationship will create a harmonious get together as opposed to one of conflict.  Finally, I talk a bit about detaching from your emotions. Being emotionally detached can make your partner think that you don't love them... one of the worst feelings in the world. 

Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"

Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself. As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your life. Also, I read an email from a listener who is struggling between being a child and an adult in different situations. It's constantly stressing him out and he can't seem to step into that adult role when needed. Sponsored by

Self compassion is what you have for yourself when you stop being overly giving. And fearing happiness is another issue I talk about after receiving an email from someone who seems to have the perfect life. These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you've never done before.

Is fate what we make or what we create? I talk about a quote from Carl Jung on this very topic. Today's listener email has to do with being caught in a lie with family, and what to do in the aftermath. News and you is about how we can spot fake or forced laughter, and what we can do with this skill. And finally, I talk a very dysfunctional family member who's trying to worm his way back into my family's lives, but his having a heck of a time getting any cooperation. Today's sponsor is Asha at getoutofthemess.com. For incredibly affordable legal insurance, I trust Asha to steer you right.

Divorce is no fun to begin with, but when it's dragged out for months or even years, it can be brutal. The stress and anxiety of the next thing and the next thing can feel neverending, and sometimes you have to take things on by yourself. Today I read an email from a listener going through a long, messy divorce with someone who cheated on her. She is depressed, defeated, and has no passion for life anymore. Where do you go? What do you do? Can you afford to defend yourself even if you can barely afford to live? Is there a way out? Let's find out.

When change happens, do you grow with it or suffer hoping it goes away? Growing through the changes helps you move out of stagnation and stop repeating old behaviors.  Also, I talk about death and acceptance today too, and how accepting that death is a part of life, and letting the emotions come up, whatever they are, will help start the healing process. 

Forgiveness is not about other people, it's about you. When you can learn to forgive yourself, even when you aren't the one to blame, you let go of the negative emotions so that you can take the learnings into your future.  Also, I talk about John Gibson, the pastor who committed suicide after hackers revealed millions of user names and detailed information about the users from the Ashley Madison infidelity and cheating site.  Proud member of the Healing Broadcast Network http://healingbroadcastnetwork.com/

If you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, or completely out of control in your life, then these two episodes will have you examining what you might be doing to create the chaos. Most of the time, we overextend ourselves and actually have a choice if that's going to happen or not.