The Overwhelmed Brain | Stress | Anxiety | Relationship | Critical Thinking | Emotional Intelligence | Emotional Abuse

Guilt and shame are two battles in two different dimensions: Internal and external. Internally, you can feel guilt for something you've said or done. Externally, you can feel the shame by witnessing others judging and blaming you for what you've done. A listener asks me what the difference between the two are and I do my best to provide an answer that focuses on what you can do about both and not just one that highlights their relationship. After all, what's the point of talking about guilt and shame unless you know a way out? I also get into the ideas of self-worth and self-esteem and how they can play a role, along with complimentary dysfunctional relationships. This is packed segment that takes you for a visit to your ethical and moral compass. Are you ready to face those deep areas of your psyche? In segment two, someone asks me how to get over fear of rejection and abandonment. If you bring fear into your relationship, it can manifest into what you fear. In other words, insecurity can often manifest into

Suicidal thoughts aren't usually discussed out loud. They fester inside and sometimes the people around you have no clue what's going on until it's too late. However, I don't believe suicidal thoughts in themselves are necessarily unhealthy. In fact, they can be good way to let the brain consider all outcomes. But why stop at suicidal thoughts? Why not also think about what would happen if you did other things like give someone a hundred dollar bill? Or told someone how well they dressed? What if you chose to just add some other thoughts you don't normally have? What would happen if you chose to let go of your resistance to any bad thoughts? What you resist persists and amplifies, so it's not a matter of closing off suicidal thoughts. It's a matter of expressing them and talking them out with others. Some thoughts can feel obsessive and always present, so why not add other types of obsessive thoughts into the mix as well? What would happen if you chose to face what you didn't want to face? Sometimes we fear m

What if you're in a relationship where you need an emotional connection from someone else but they don't seem to be in the same space as you. Sometimes the one you love will come home after a long day and you just want to shower them with love, but they don't seem to want to shower you back. Is there something wrong with them? Is there something dysfunctional about you? If you are in a loving, supportive relationship, but can't seem to connect to your partner, maybe this segment will help you sort out what might be going on for you.   Sometimes your partner has reached their giving limit and it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with how much energy they have left for themselves.   In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares her multiple traumas and how this show has helped her live a better life. But it's not just about this show, it's about you building a solid foundation inside yourself so that you will have a place to land when you fall. And you will fall! So keep that fo

What do you do when you face a challenge you believe you're prepared for, but you fail instead? The feelings of failure can be debilitating, especially when you've spent a lot of time and energy working on self-improvement. It can feel like you've taken 10 steps backwards. "Learning" comes with the challenge of applying what you've learned, so expect challenges to be just more than you think you're prepared for. When you have the tools, the challenge will come. I believed I knew how to honor my boundaries until I was tested with the right person. Always move forward and learn about yourself and work on yourself so that you will be as prepared as you can be. In segment two, I address the people's pleaser's role in becoming emotionally abused. People pleasers often have a big heart, compassion, generosity and are often kind and caring, which opens them up to abusive people unfortunately. If you're kind and compassionate but made to feel guilty by your partner often, then you're probably in an emotionally abusiv

Can you commit to a decision? How do you know if you're making the right decision? Follow your heart is great advice… if you even know what's in your heart. Segment 1 of this episode is all about making the decisions that work in your life without going down too many paths of failure. You have to make decisions to learn how to make good decisions, but sometimes that first decision is the hardest to make. Life is all about choice, so let's talk about what makes a good choice. I'll give you a hint, it has to do with knowing your ideals for any given situation. In segment 2, what do you do when you are always dealt a bad hand in life? Is there a psychological time bomb ticking away that is going to cause you to break down because you just can't get a break? How about chronic pain and suffering? There's a path out of suffering even when the pain is still there. You still seek treatment for the pain, but it's time to heal the emotional wounding that has taken place. In segment 3, I read a message from someone aski

In crisis, is there anything you can do to bring you into a calmer, more peaceful place? Actually, not usually. In fact, you may have to experience the full impact of the crisis before any calm or comfort can be had. However, you may be able to prepare for crisis so it doesn't completely debilitate you. It involves creating a belief system or philosophy that serves you during this most crucial time so that you aren't so blindsided and devastated. Then, when you lose your job, get dumped, betrayed, or even if someone you love passes on, you have some tools to work with to get you through it. In this first segment, I share 10 beliefs and principles you can adopt to get you through crisis mode. In segment 2, I address a letter from a man who was kicked out of his home at 17 years old for being gay. He grew up, got married, and now his husband is looking at other guy's profiles online threatening the stability home and relationship. The letter writer doesn't want to be alone but he doesn't want his husband lookin

A career can take up over half your life, so why would you settle for one that makes you miserable? I've settled a lot over the years and I got so burnt out. I didn't realize there was a formula to finding something I'd like and that might even pay well, if not more than I've ever made. Scott Barlow with Happen To Your Career joins me to talk about what it takes to be happy in a career and even make more money doing so. You don't want to miss this one. Visit to get your free Ultimate Strenths Guide so that you can learn just exactly where you excel and what careers you'd be best at.

Are you walking around with an undertone of fear, anxiety, panic, or nervousness? What do you feel when nothing in general is happening in your life? What's your balance point or "homeostatic state"? When an uncomfortable or sad cloud follows you around all the time, it's hard to enjoy life. Especially because all the decisions you make are based on a foundation of this uncomfortableness. Many of us make decisions based on how the toxic people in our life will respond. If we know they'll respond negatively, we'll make a decision so that behavior isn't triggered. However, this choice may not be the best one for us. We make it to avoid conflict or confrontation, and that is a recipe for an unhappy life. I talk about "taking the bullet" and making the hard decisions during critical moments that will either exacerbate and extend miserableness or stop it in its tracks. It's a matter of shifting what you focus on and protecting yourself, not enabling others. This might not be easy to do, but it's a life changer. In

Sexual and physical abuse survivors develop an abused mindset which they take into relationships. This mindset sets them up to be strung along and tolerate bad behavior. Often, former abuse victims end up with abusers in intimate relationships. Abusers of all kinds can play serious head games, including giving off a lot of mixed signals. Abuse survivors and even many non-survivors can have high tolerance for abusive behavior. It's time to stop getting strung along and start realizing just what to watch out for

When obsessive and intrusive thoughts won't go away, what can you do? You might feel better knowing that won't mean a thing in a 100 years, but if resolving them isn't that easy for you, then let me take you through a series of steps that break them apart and repackage them in a way that might just help you deal with yours. In this segment, I'll ask you what's wrong with having obsessive thoughts, why are they a problem, and if there's anything you can do about what you're obsessing over. I'll also talk about your resistance to them and how it causes you to suffer. If you have been suffering over that negative internal dialogue, listen to this episode. In segment 2, a woman asks me what happens when you remove all the toxic people in your life and you end up with no friends or romantic partner? She wants to know if that's all she has to look forward to when she grows and heals herself. Is everyone toxic? The personal growth journey does involve filtering out toxic people, but it also involves focus on yoursel

When is a bad thing a good thing? When is a good thing bad? How attached are you to outcomes? I tell a quick Zen Buddhist parable that might make you think twice about the stressors in the world today, especially with the heated political climate and growing fears of what might happen next. Not everything is as it appears. When you think there's no way out - life opens a door. The door is good fortune and luck. Then when everything is going well, life throws you into a pit. Does it ever end? I get into the ebb and flow of life itself in this segment. In segment two, I answer the question: "What do you do if there's no way out of a situation?" A young man wants to know what he can do living with a toxic family that he can't (or chooses not to) leave. Is it better to stay in a toxic situation because you don't want to abandon those you love? Or is there a better way than "no way out"? You might have to resort to tactics that are against your values just to get into alignment with your best outcome. It's a contr

Judging others is a sign of something you're struggling with or haven't healed from internally. It is anger, sadness, or some other bad feeling that you haven't yet processed that is coming out and being directed at other people. You can say, "What they're doing is wrong!" but how is it wrong to you? Is it a belief or value you hold to be true, or is it something deeper like some other emotional wound that you haven't yet released? Also, how do you deal with judgmental people? If your significant other or a friend or family member is putting someone else down, what do you say or do? It's a great topic to talk about and I share a way you can work with it and maybe even reach a more peaceful place inside yourself. In segment 2, I talk about how to release your hold on guilt. I read a letter from a woman who feels terrible about how she treated her ex-husband. In fact, she feels so bad that her current marriage is suffering. I offer a perspective and a way out of guilt that may just allow you to let go of what y

Is love enough? Will it overcome anything that happens in your life? Financial struggles, family problems, arguments, abuse and more... will your faith in love be enough to get you through the tough times? I read a letter from a young man who wonders if love is enough to get through anything. To add a bit of challenge on top of that, what if that love is only one-sided? In the second segment, I read a letter from a woman who's partner has cheated on her multiple times.Her partner knows he has a problem but "can't help it." He believes that marriage will resolve the problem and cure him of this addiction. How long will you accept bad behavior, increasing your toleration for abuse? If there are problems in the relationship today, they will only get worse when you get married. You must create a solid, healthy, loving and supportive foundation before you get married. Marriage amplifies problems - it does not solve them. In segment 3, someone has a battle in their mind about the difference between honoring persona

Racial sensitivity is prevalent in the first segment of the show as I read a letter from a woman who was slightly offended at my use of stereotypical language in the last episode. Lots to discuss here. I go over that and more on ways to communicate with people that help develop and keep rapport.   In segment two, I talk about how separating in your relationship can be highly beneficial and can lead to strengthening the bond between the two of you, but it can also lead to a hard truth that maybe the relationship wasn't destined to be in the first place. Do you take the 50/50 chance knowing that love will blossom better than ever, or come to terms that maybe it never had a chance to begin with. Either way leads to happiness, but you may or may not be together in the end.   In an extra segment, I read a message from someone who wants to know about birth order and how it plays a role in your life. I tackle it from the perspective of who your primary role models were.   Finally, what are the standards of a goo

What's in a dream? Are there literal interpretations or is there deeper meaning that isn't often explored? As always on this show, I go where others rarely do and look at dreams as a representation of emotions. What emotions are present in your dream? Are they revealing ones that might not yet be resolved? Dreams can be a great way to not only discover what they are, but even resolve them if you're persistent enough. This segment is a journey into dreams, including lucid dreaming. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who is thinking about dating a guy with four different children from four different partners and has a history of bad behavior that landed him in jail, but she wants to know 'if he's turned his life around, should she pursue a relationship with him?' Some say "run", others say, "well, if he's turned his life around, then maybe...". I give my thoughts on the subject which involves taking the blinders of possible love off and considering both the emotional and physical baggage he might still

Friendships are created and can last a lifetime, but they can also disintegrate, never to be rekindled. What makes a friendship? How do you know if your friends are truly the ones that will be there with you and for you through all the good and bad times? In segment 2, I talk about the warning signs and paying attention to patterns of your suspicions about your partner's behavior, especially if they've betrayed you or lied to you in the past. During the conclusion of the show, I talk a little about trust and how the innocent and naive of us can get scammed or "duped" over and over again in relationships.

Tune in to every other New Year's podcast if you want to hear about resolutions. I'd rather talk about something you can think about the entire year when it comes to improving your life. Today's episode is all about compatibility and how you can look at any problem in life and narrow it down to a compatibility issue. Sometimes taking out the emotional part of the equation can be helpful if you want to follow the life you want to create for yourself. I realize emotions are what drive us and motivate us and make us whole, but what if your emotions are also what keep you exactly where you are? Are you fighting against the current to try and make things better? Are you stuck? Is your partner compatible with you? Does he or she complimentary or quite the opposite? What about your job? What about that car you drive around, is that compatible? Today's episode is all about the philosophy for living life this whole next year. Follow it and maybe you'll find yourself taking steps that support you instead of ones that h

Jealousy is a multi-faceted beast that can motivate you to say or do things that you may not normally say or do. It involves many emotions and can run (and ruin) your life if you don't address the real reasons you get jealous. Sometimes a fantasy is created in your head and you become jealous based on what may not even exist. Other times, there is hard data to prove that what you're jealous about is real and should be investigated further (or acted upon). Is there a good reason to get jealous? Is there a way to heal from this feeling? I drill into jealousy quite a bit in this episode. In segment two, I read a letter from someone who asks why the holidays bring out the worst in people. So many families get together and so many of those gettogethers can be quite dysfunctional. Is there that one person in your family that just seems to ruin the moment? It can be hard to honor yourself in front of people who've known a version of you all their life, especially when you've done a lot of inner work. Can you be in i

The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no f

What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don't feel safe with you? In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance'. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for. Soon, the wedding was called off and she was moving out. What went wrong? What could he have done differently? Healing needs to take place for sure, but is he focusing on the wrong person during his healing process? In segment 2, Mary honors her boundaries around her boss and friends, but is a people pleaser who to her husband. She's afraid to say no to him but doesn't know why. I ask a lot of questions in this segment, so if you're in a similar situation, you may get the guidance you need. During the closing, I t